What is infidelity?

Infidelity can be many things. Some come to couples therapy for help after a years-long affair has suddenly been revealed. Other times, it may be a single event, or a romantic relationship, that is revealed before there has been actual sexual contact.

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Emotional infidelity

Some people start an emotional and / or secret relationship with another person outside of the relationship, which is not of a sexual nature - yet in each case. Even if there has been no sex involved, such a relationship can feel very threatening to the partner who is left in the lurch, and the trust that is so important in every relationship can suffer great damage.

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Rebuilding the relationship after infidelity

Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity can be complicated but certainly not impossible. Many come to couples therapy after an affair, and seek help to move on and find hope for the relationship, despite difficult feelings, wounds and hopelessness.

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The injured partner often feels a great failure and struggles with many difficult thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to deal with alone. The partner who has failed in the relationship also struggles with severe feelings of guilt and shame, around the pain that has been caused, and with fear of what the future will bring.

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John Gottman therapy after infidelity

John Gottman has for a number of years researched what it takes to rebuild trust and come out on the other side after infidelity, with a relationship that is healed and healthy again. This is the method we also use when working with couples therapy in connection with infidelity. Briefly described, couples therapy consists of 3 steps:

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Step 1: Reconciliation ( Atone ) - Where emotions start to heal and trust is rebuilt.

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Step 2: Connection ( Attune ) - Where the partners approach each other on the emotional and relational level.

 

Step 3: Change and Reconstruction ( Attach ) - Where the parties decide to move forward and build their relationship in an often new and better way than it has been before.

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How long it takes can vary greatly. Some feel ready to move on after a few therapy sessions, while others need more time to build trust and rebuild the relationship.

Read more here: Q&A after infidilty
 

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Book a free time to hear more about Gottman couples therapy after infidelity: